heart muscles, tighten

ears, my pulse is audible

the stress takes over.

I'm tapping out.  The flood last week has been all consuming - losing all the flooring and some of the walls, the repairs to be made to the drainage system, not having a furnace, and the constant whirs of fans like sinister white noise.  

That, and I'm turning 50.

That, and my son called from outside Orlando last night - after being in an accident with his big truck. He's fine, and he wasn't at fault, but the stress of that and everything else had me imagining a different scenario and succumbing to the stress that has been bubbling up for a week.

That, and I'm tired of my mom putting little hearts all over my brother's gf's cheesy ass posts but not looking at mine.  "they are too political".  Well, sorry I'm smart.  Sorry I'm not a skinny, stupid bitch.  Sorry I think - and sorry I'm not pretending to be something other than I am.  Sorry, sorry, sorry.  My smug mother even pretended she didn't know who my aunt was "oh, I don't have a sister in law with that name, but your dad does" and then proudly tells me that my father wrote off his sister - just like my brother did.  

I should take some time off work.  Walk.  Relax.  I can do that while working, though, too, and so I just continue on and hope for the best.  God, I'm so tired.