what causes me to
doubt your authenticity
is what angers you.


Yesterday, I came into contact with three people who use drugs.  Two heroin users and one meth user.  The heroin users were actually kind of nice - looking for some harm reduction items and wanting to clean up a little.  By cleaning up, I mean a quick wash in the sink - they assured me they wouldn't "use" in the washroom, but we all know they might or would, so I stood sentinel outside the door and routinely checked on their wellbeing.

The meth user, quite frankly, annoyed me.  He was crying and carrying on about all he'd lost.  He seemed to feel that it was our responsibility to find him shelter and a program to get clean.  He just sat there and cried and pitied himself and seemed to not take any responsibility or action.  He seemed hugely unauthentic - a big baby who did whatever he wanted and now expected society to clean up his mess.

I've been trying to figure out why I feel so differently about these two experiences.  I think it comes down to the fact that I can reasonably explain to myself why someone might use heroin.  How it happens, the seduction, especially if it started out as medical opioid use.  I cannot explain meth at all - the rich person's party drug, same as cocaine in the 80s.    It's just so pointless - how do you get to be a person with a house, car, and career - and suddenly start taking meth?  How arrogant are you?  How completely ridiculous?   

And what is WRONG with our society that someone can have everything and still feel bored and restless, and be so completely lazy that they'd rather use an addictive street drug to feel animated then actually change something in their life?

It makes me want to pick up a chair and throw it.  We've come so far, and have so much, and we're chasing feelings like 12 year old girls.