sometimes, i think that
the pain in my chest is real
remember to breathe


Another fun new MS symptom.  I shall spare you the details, such as they are, but also tell you that I'm occasionally drowning in despair.  We've hit a few milestones, of late, that were previously on the list of things we'd consider "institutionalizing" Bob for - that are now our new-normal and being worked through.  I'm not advocating for putting my husband, who is not yet 50, in a home - but I'm also becoming low-key-terrified about our future.   It's not his symptoms that terrify, so much as the unanswered questions about his future and what it looks like.  What my future looks like.  How it might all play out.

I had a nightmare last night.  My nightmares aren't all Chucky and Jason - they are real situations with people I interact with, twisted.  Last night's involved someone I'm close to, but had them cast in a bullying role over an issue I'm struggling with Bob over.  I can't be more specific than that - except to say I woke up very confused and wondering why my brain had mixed this person up into a situation he's not involved in, with a sinister tone to his personality.  I tried to figure it out, got a headache, and gave up.