things you do not know
don't clutter your mind, like mine
exhaustion rolls in.

Instagram is a funny thing.  My curated experience shows my husband and I walking our dogs in a conservation area - me jokingly explaining about my hound dog taking off.

What it doesn't capture is the headache I woke up with.  The argument we had at 11 that he was bored and wanted me to "feel better quicker".  It didn't capture coming home and going alcohol shopping with Jesse, while he explained how the fighting he grew up with has influenced his relationships.  The fighting because I married someone with a vindictive ex and a mentally ill child and created a unfortunate amount of chaos for kids who didn't deserve it.  It didn't capture the pizza we ate outside while drinking gin, the laughs, the visit and dinner with Jordie and Ben.  It didn't capture Bob having three accidents today - of varying degrees, and me internally fretting that even our small trip to Winnipeg might be in jeopardy.

Or that moment, standing in the washroom, helping - when I realized that his independence was on my back.  And resenting him in that moment, but also realizing how big and unfair that is.  All the obligation and grief to carry. 

And what if I took and step back and didn't want it on my shoulders.  What then? 

Snap another picture.  Write another haiku.  Drink more gin and laugh out on the patio.  I don't know what tomorrow brings.   I wonder how I will cope.