my brain defuses
unwinding memories as
technicolour dreams

I had a nightmare last night.  It wasn't scary, per se - but I'm classing it as a nightmare due to it's content, subject matter, and questions that have lingered long after waking, showering, dressing, and making my breakfast.

It was about an attempted suicide, and someone else who wanted to die.  It was about disrupting that moment, and helping to save them - but having serious questions about if I should be and the what the consequences would be.

My views on suicide changed a couple years ago when a dear friend's son died by suicide and his brother challenged us on it.  What if, he said, we could all carry a little bit of pain for a while, instead of his brother carrying a lot of pain forever.  That's held me, and stuck with me, wondering if that's the correct view.  It was so poignant, but is it true?  Can pain be parsed out over a crowd to make it easier?  Is suicide really a community sin?  That statement, echoing, became the moment that I started questioning everything I have ever believed in - and a big part of why I do not participate in organized religion anymore.

So why the dream?