Tuesday, 5 January 2021

having a hard time
knowing what i know, and yet
i'm not in your life

Cancer.  My brother finds out at 2 p.m. today if he has cancer again.  I only know because it was part of his "fuck off" message to my niece that she showed me.. hers being more manipulative than the mulitple exclamation mark one i got.

I'm at my desk, working, but my brain is somewhere else.  Reviewing texts.  Reviewing a life.  So freaking sad and so freaking angry all at once.  Trying to decide if I'd do the same thing.  If I could possibly love someone that my children hated - and push everyone away.  I don't think so.

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