troubled, i listened

to words, thoughts, not sitting well

dreaming of escape

"If you could choose, " he started, out of the blue, as I puttered in the kitchen before starting work, "would you choose to live in the foothills or along the beach?"

And so started a difficult conversation between my husband and I, because he's desperate to move to Ecuador for winters and I am not even 50 yet and have several more years of work before retiring.

"But what if YOU only had 3 years to live?" he implored, "Wouldn't you be selfish, too?"

This is the anxiety I don't like living with.  Picturing living in a country where I don't speak the language, without my friends and support network, without the kids, just doing nothing but taking care of him and working remotely - likely constantly interrupted.