her disengagement
with me only, not herself
fuels my resentment


So I'm on facebook this morning, chatting.  And I should know better than to engage this particular person about anything other than herself or her son.  Because when I need some attention, or some care, it just doesn't matter.  I'm not important enough, I'm not whatever enough.

And now I'm livid.

And I have no right to be.  I know this person cares not one flying fig for me, and yet I want them to so badly, that I prostitute my feelings for some attention and then get mad when I don't see value for it.

dogs, sniffing the air,
something has changed - not sure where -
and me, unaware

It's another early Saturday morning and I'm outside on the deck.  It's quiet and not at all lonely.  I rather like being out here with the dogs while everyone else naps.  I'm planning my day - at least in theory - as the dogs sniff the air and investigate all the sounds - cardinals, jays, robins, and doves.  A rooster next door seems to have woken up a bit late and is crowing in answer to Zoomie's occasional barks.

I'm wondering what to do next.

Not today, exactly.  Career-wise, volunteer-wise.  I quit the board a while ago but remained embroiled in an HRTO claim, and I can't quite find something I'm passionate about to work with in that intensity.  Maybe that's good.  Part of me would like to continue in the advocacy space - but with a more focused look - not global poverty broadly, but more specific.  However, the organization I worked with left a very bad taste in my mouth about NGOs and I'm not sure at all where to go from here.  Career-wise, I'm looking at the same - where do I continue to flex to?

I can hear the train
Whistle, and distant rumbling,
Makes me feel lonely